so i am sitting here realizing that in the last couple months i have gained almost 20 pounds and went from 177 (lowest yet) to 190 something
im wearing a size 20 today
cant wear 16s anymore
im so disgusted with myself
i am so disgusted with my anxiety with change
i have gained all this weight because i am so anxious about some things that are changing in my life right now
i need to find a way to deal with change without being lazy and eating like a pig
i get lazy because i get depressed
and i eat cuz im an emotional eater
the more depressed i get the more i eat
and as of right now im depressed because of the stuff thats changing i know i can handle the change its just the anxiety before it happens that i ahve been dealing with the last month or so
im just scared
and im depressed because i wanted to be pregnant by now and i cant be cuz im 50 pounds still overweight
and i sabotaged myself on that level
so that seems soooooooooo far away
god writing this is making me cry
i dont even know where i am going with this
just that i am sitting here watching teen mom on tv and crying about god only really knows what
what a day what a day
I hope everything works out for you girl. I know you'll turn the weight around.
ReplyDeleteHugs. You sound very similar to me. I've gained some back lately in the same vicious cycle. I still have hope for conquering it, but it can feel so impossible sometimes.
ReplyDeleteI am sorry, I have lost and gained too but you know what to do! You have done wonderfully already!
ReplyDelete"hugs" i understand one pound turns into two etc. But you have the power to stop it! It's definitely not easy in fact it's downright hard but it is do-able and i know you can do it!! You have come so far and your journey is not over yet.
ReplyDeleteWhoa!!!! First of all let's put your gain in perspective. You have gone from 265 to 177. Okay. You have gained 17 lbs due to stress and anxiety. It's okay. You can get this under control. Within a couple of months you can be back where you were. Heck... I've Been stalled out at 179 fir 4 months !
ReplyDeleteWe have to keep going. Nothing else to say really. Except you are not alone and you can do it!(hugs)
Keelie
I'm so sorry to see you are having a hard time :( I understand how the emotional eating goes. I am just now getting back on track from doing that. I still have SO much to loose that even when I go and binge, it doesn't effect me the way it does you as far as gaining.
ReplyDeleteAll I can say is exercise. Walking helps my mood and helps burn those calories. I know it's easier said than done when you are feeling like crap... but don't give up ok?
You have come so far!!! It's ok if you fall off the wagon, just as long as you get back on :) You can do it!
i am so sorry Bee. Do you have children?
ReplyDeleteThis is going to sound off putting, and I don't mean it that way..I am tired..took two sleeping pills (chronic insomnia)
do you want to have a baby?
It's okay to not want to.
And if you do, I am sorry for that question. Sometimes we sabotage ourselves so our consious mind doesn't have to deal with what our subconcious is telling us. Again, sorry for the spellling...too tired by half. Hang in there.
Pick yourself up and dust yourself off. Tomorrow is day one year zero.
Somedays you just need to let it out so let it out! Almost anyone that is going to read this entry is going to completely understand how you feel (well minus the details) regarding the emotional eating. I am a pro at that. But with any addiction, the eating is what is causing the depressed feelings even more so. I know there is no quick fix or easy answer. But just remember that you're capable of whatever it is that you want to do. You've done it before and you can do it again. You've managed to keep off and lose 75 pounds! That is so freaking amazing and shows you just how capable you truly are and how in control you can be of your choices. Keep your head up. You are DEFINITELY not alone.
ReplyDeleteBee - I'm not sure if the saying "things happen for a reason" applies here. Sometimes things just happen because they happen. Let it out, vent whatever you are feeling because it won't do you any good by bottling up inside. Maybe you need to re-evaluate your food plan. Maybe you need to just start completely over, start fresh. (((HUGS))))
ReplyDeleteI feel like posting a comment twice just so I can give you a virtual """hug""" today. =( I hope you are feeling better soon.
ReplyDeleteI completely understand everything you just said there. First, though, I wanna think you for the comment you left on my blog last week. It was really kind of you, and made me feel a bit better. We can do this together. One step at a time.
ReplyDeleteSending huge hugs your way. I've been an emotional eater most of my life, but over the years I have weened myself from that.
ReplyDeleteThat being said, there are times that I pig out for no reason at all, until I really sit down and think about it.
I tell myself "is that piece of fried chicken going to help me though this?" And guess what, the answer is always no.
Hang in there!
Hugs!
Biz