sleepless nights ~ 183

Last night was a bad night for my little one
He got up at 3 am 
then when it was time to go watch granny at 6am he wanted to sleep and was cranky
it sucks he doesnt get that he needs to sleep at night some nights
i feel so bad for him when he is sooooo tired because i couldnt get him to understand that he needed to sleep and it was still the middle of the night


i read this  POST  today and it brought me to tears
its so true

i dont really know what all to say today
im tired as well

i was on the phone last night with a friend who says she is just depressed and she is sick of how big she has gotten and she says she has no idea how i am doing this like what motivates me

and i really have no idea what to say
i told her she needs to realize that she can see me and think i am doing great and i see the numbers but for some reason i have a problem seeing it
i still think i am huge
i pull up my size 16 and go wait these really fit is this a joke
i wasnt even a size 16 before i got pregnant years ago

i mean it just feel weird

but i know i keep doing it first because i wnat another child someday and i want to do it healthy

and second because even though im sore alot there is a defference between the sore feeling and the walking around in pain all the time so swollen feeling like a ball with legs

so i do it so i can feel better not squished in my body

i want to be healthy
and i remember were she is coming from the depressed feeling not wanting to move feeling and i swear if i didnt want a baby so badly i would still be there cuz the whole baby thing started this journey
but me wanting to be healthy is what is going to finish this journey and help me maintain forever

i understand i am going to go up and down every once and a while and thats ok now

i dont know i am feel different but i dont always think i look alot different

does anyone else have this problem they just dont see it when they look in the mirror
i know my extra skin isnt helping but do i need to get help or something for this is it normal for awhile
cuz all i hear from everyone is your not fat anymore why do you still think you are huge

i dunno
i think you can tell im exhausted today
and just pondering things lol

i guess ill update after i workout maybe ill be more awake lol :)

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oh i almost forgot haveyouseenmyweight had a post on how she calcutlated the percentage of body weight she had lost so i decided to od it too
i was amazed
it said i lost 31% so far

and i forgot to tell ya all why i am so sore
yesterday my son and i built another igloo the first one was a goner it caved in from too much sun
so i had to shovel for seriously it felt like a good hour to make a brand new one
ouchyyyyy!!!!

yea i thtink thats all till later
im so forgetful of all the things i want to write lol
TIRED!!!!!!